Come on…

I was out last Friday with my hiking class, and as we were coming down, there was a blind lady w/her guide dog and another that was running free.  He stopped for some attention and as she kept on going, she called back “Come on Kenny.” I stop and turn around to follow saying, “Ok.”

Anecdote

I made this into a sweeper for 88.1 WeberFM:

So they say, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, just do us a favor and pull your head out of Ur-anus.

Scary

I was telling my dad that I was driving down the freeway, and there was a car ahead of me that was all over the place in their lane.  I sped up to see what was going on, and saw that the driver was a girl putting on make up while driving. I backed off and told my dad about this scary driver.

My dad asked, “Was she a scary driver before or after putting on her make up?”

Good Advice

My name is Kenny Rogers, I wasn’t named after the country singer, nor am I a big fan of country music, but I do consider him a father figure. The chorus of the song “The Gambler” comes to mind:

“You got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to walk away, know when to run, you can’t count your money, when your sitting at the table, there’ll be time enough counting, when the dealings done.” (www.lyrics.com)

No better advice given in dealing with hookers. Also, I try to remember the advice from the first line when out on dates.

Future Politician

I work at a library, and one day a young boy came into the library with high anticipation of Halloween. Somehow the thought crossed my mind, and I said, “You should tell people that it’s your birthday, and I bet you’ll get more candy.” The little boy agreed that he would have to try it.  My coworker commented, “Great job, scar the kid for life.” I replied, “I’m not scaring him in anyway. I’m feeding the seed of a future politician.”

Spiderman

So, I had someone tell me that they’ve heard this one before, but I plead ignorance and have not.

They tell us about politcally correct, but what about anatomically correct? My subject for you is Spiderman. Yes, he should have 4 more limbs, and some more eyes, but think harder. Where does a spider spin its web from? Exactly, Spiderman should be should be shooting his web out of his ass. This would make the need for a high-fiber and protein diet. I already feel sorry for Mary Jane having to clean his underwear when he has accidents. Watching him web sling would be a whole new acrobatic adventure. Can’t you see him bending over, “Stop or I”ll shoot!” The bad guy would stop and think, “Did he say stop or I’ll poop?” And to top things off, would he go with the lazer hair removal for his crack, or the Brazilian every other month?

Look out. Here I come.

I’ve always had a side aspiration of doing stand up. Never put forth much effort, nor have I written anything lately. Here and there I’ll be adding material, and I am interested in questions, comments, and outrageous remarks.

The Hike:

My buddy and I were hiking up to a party, we had our camping gear on our backs, and an eighteen pack in each hand. We made away around a curve, and up in the distance we saw a campfire. Our desires were strong hoping this was the place. On our way toward the fire. we were met half way by a scout leader. While walking away with our heads down I over heard one of the scouts come up to his leader. “Mr. Smith Mr. Smith, what are they prepared for?’ I overheard the leader reply, “Marriage.”

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